Tales of a Goddess

It’s well-known in my family that I have an overactive imagination. It’s why I can’t watch scary movies on TV, why I leave a trail of lights on in my wake when home alone, why I should never, ever read apocalyptic science fiction before bedtime (Fail, Anna, you are an EPIC FAIL on this one). Somehow, my mind’s ability to morph plain reality into bizarre technicolor fantasy does not equate to any creative expression on my part – it merely means I have vivid dreams. Nightmares, even. Flying monsters, horrific aliens, natural disasters, death, destruction, despair… end of the world stuff fill my dreams, especially when I am stressed. My dreams are often a parody of what I had read or watched during the day, caricatures of normal things in rare, strange form. It’s something I’ve gotten used to, but at the same time, I really need to watch what I read before bed. Books are worse than TV, if only because I readily implant my own images into my mind.

So, I’m reading Atlas Shrugged right now. I’m ashamed that I have not read it yet, as I really can’t call myself a prolific reader if I haven’t tackled the illustrious Ms. Rand. It’s a pleasant diversion from my usual fare of science fiction and world language-oriented non-fiction, but that’s where the pleasure ends. Quite frankly, it is the scariest book I have ever read. I’m only about a fourth of the way through it (Dagny and Hank have just started their affair, for those in the know), but I’m not sure I can finish it. Don’t get me wrong, it’s sucked me in (after the most boring intro eveh), and I have no problem with the plot. It’s the socialist/communist/fascist attitude that’s prevailing among the majority of the characters. That, and if you replace the railroad industry with the oil industry, it’s like I’m reading from blogs on the internet. That’s what scares me… not just the idea that anybody who works hard to make money should share that money with the frakking slackers of the world, but the simple fact that this attitude is prevalent and popular in today’s society! ACK!!!

I had some very strange dreams last night. Yes, I’ll call them nightmares. About our country falling into a quasi-1984 environment, everything haze grey and worn-looking, with despondent people quacking the party lines like little automatons. I found a penny on the ground, and was forced to hand it over to another woman on the street who had a greater need for it than I. I was shunned because I wanted to work, but I could not work because what few jobs to be had were given to those ‘less fortunate’ than me. It was horrific, and I’m exhausted today for lack of sleep. I’ve never had dreams like that before, but I expect more to come as I continue to read the book.

There has been another book that has given me the willies like Atlas Shrugged - actually, a few books in a very good fantasy series. Terry Goodkind’s Sword of Truth series features a war between good and evil, where the evil are very reminiscent of fascists (working hard is bad, the common need is above the individual). It’s really flushed out in the Faith of the Fallen. According to Wiki, this book is a bit of an homage to Ayn Rand’s the Fountainhead, which is on my list of books to read. I’d suggest the whole series, now that it’s complete. Eleven books in all. Oh, and Jonah Goldberg’s Liberal Fascism is good too, and freaks me out, which is probably why I haven’t finished it either. Of course, besides the fact that I read stuff that scares me, having three kids isn’t exactly conducive to reading full books in one setting. Oh, well, who is John Galt?

I’m off to find out why the kids are throwing stuff down the stairs, and then I’ll dive right back into Atlas Shrugged. I hope.