Tales of a Goddess

I have to admit, I’ve been suffering from a bit of writer’s block recently.  It’s not that I haven’t had anything to say, just not the patience or the ability really to express it.  I would compose rants against the bailout, snippets of the intolerance shown by my neighbors and random strangers to my pro-McCain bumper stickers, quaint anecdotes about the progress the kids have been making in life – all in my head – and when I sat down at the computer, it would all dissolve away, a pile of sugar on the ground, eaten away by the rain.  In fact, I’m almost forcing myself to write this, not because I don’t want to, but I’m afraid that I won’t any sense.  Or that I’ll type something I shouldn’t, and forget to delete it before publishing (I’m not one to ret-con my own posts).

I have this fear because I know my writer’s block is self-imposed – I dare not dwell to long with a keyboard and empty screen because I have too much in my head which should not be revealed.  The funny thing about that, is I really do have things in my head that I can’t talk about, as I signed a non-disclosure agreement when I left the Navy.  So if I told you, I’d have to go away to Federal Prison, also known “as pound me in the ass” prison.  Although I’m a girl, so I guess that’s not really a problem.  Ahem.  No, I’m really referring to feelings and thoughts I’ve had, mostly about my current situation, and how unhappy I am.  As long as I keep them inside, everybody’s safe.  But see, I babble when I’m emotional, and I’m always emotional, and I feel the urge to type without constraint coming on.  So I’m going to change the subject – like I said before, I’m not going to erase what I’ve already typed… I wonder if I’m the only blogger like that.

Here’s a spot of good news:  So, the Navy Day Ball is this Saturday, and I’ve got my dress and my shoes, Tim’s got the tickets and the hotel room, and the grandparents will have the kids.  You have no idea how excited I am about this – the only other time I’ve been to the Ball is when I was enlisted myself, a few days before my year anniversary in the Navy.  I was 18, single, wore my senior prom dress, and I have mixed feelings about that night…  Now, seven years later, I get to go as the wife of a wonderful First Class Petty Officer, in a red halter dress and heeled Crocs (because I like to be comfy, and no one will see), and I know I’ll have a wonderful time.  And on Sunday night, we’re going to the Melting Pot, just like we did 5 years ago… the night before we eloped at the Pensacola Justice of the Peace office.  And Monday, October 13th is our actual, legal marriage date – we had a planned church wedding that took place the following January, but we got married to speed along some military things.  So, here we are, 5 years later, which I consider to be quite the accomplishment in our day and age.  It’s going to be a wonderful weekend.  : )